My Memorial Day At Turner Field

I just happened to be in Atlanta over this holiday weekend for a wedding and managed to score tickets to the Braves and Phillies game today. The wedding was last night and I've been known to indulge in the free adult beverages. Let's see how my day went.

*10 a.m.* Wake up, slight hangover.

*10:15 a.m.* Realize I'm not at my friend's house I'm going to the game with. Puts on pants.

*10:45 a.m.* Get to my friend's house. Prepare a breakfast rum and coke. Don't judge me, it's a holiday.

*11:30 a.m.* Pour rum into flask. Leave for the game.

*12:30 p.m.* Spew profanities at Atlanta traffic. Get cut off. More profanity.

*1:10 p.m.* Park.

*1:20 p.m.* Miss Chipper Jones' homerun waiting in line at Will Call.

*1:40 p.m.* Visit the 755 Club and enjoy air conditioning for the last time ever.

*1:50 p.m.* Arrive at my seat down the third base line. Immediately regret my decision to wear pants. Drink hot rum out the flask.

*2:00 p.m.* I try to take a picture of Tommy Hanson.


















*2:05 p.m.* I die of heat stroke.

*3:14 p.m.* The Phillies score 3 to make it 6-3 Braves. I discover why I'm not a beat writer. I missed a lot.

*3:23 p.m.* I take this picture of my buddy who got a ball during a cigarette break. Don't be impressed, I'm pretty sure he stole it from a small child.



















*3:41 p.m.* Miss Troy Glaus' homerun standing in line for a $13 bottle of Powerade. It was blue.

*4:30-ish p.m.* Braves win and take over first place in the NL East.

*5:20 p.m.* I die of heat stroke and dehydration. You thought it was going to be dysentery this time, didn't you? Oregon Trail'd.

*5:35 p.m.* Beach Boys concert kicks off. Their lip synching makes Ashlee Simpson proud.



















*5:37 p.m.* Remember I don't like the Beach Boys. Leave.

*6:12 p.m.* Do that thing where you nod off and catch yourself and try to play it off.

*8:30 p.m.* Nap.

*10:00 p.m.* Write this post.

*10:18 p.m.* Make a rum and coke, turn on Wii.

*11:20 p.m. in the future* Hot girl's car breaks down in front of my friends house.

Sorry, I can't publish the rest of the night but I hear Cinemax got the rights to it. How was your Memorial Day?

I was there! No, you weren't

The Marlins' ticket office is selling tickets for Roy Halladay's perfect game, which happened more than a week ago.

Orlando Sentinel:

The Marlins will be selling unused tickets today to last Saturday's game in which Philadelphia's Roy Halladay hurled the 20th perfect game in major league history, a 1-0 victory over the Marlins.

All tickets will be sold at full price online and through the Marlins' ticket office.

Couple thoughts:

1. ....the Marlins will be selling unused tickets today to last Saturday's game is one of the funniest things I have ever read.

2. FULL PRICE!

They can't get people to buy tickets the day before the game, what makes them think people are going to buy tickets 11 days after the game?

Apparently, "collectors" would be "willing" to purchase "the" tickets for the memorablia, but non-collectors who weren't at the park can also say they saw the Halladay gem in-person. The only problem is no one will believe them.

Curveballs for Jobu

Curveballs for Jobu is Off Base Percentage's daily trip around the ballparks.

Today's honorary bat boy: Alvaro Espinoza




Astros 2, Reds 0 (10 innings). Lance Berkman's two-run home run in the top of the 10th was the difference for the 'Stros, who won their first consecutive game. Berkman loves hitting at Great American Ball Park (21 career home runs, most among opposing players) almost as much as Marge Schott hated black people.



Whitesox 8, Rays 5. Jayson Nix's go-ahead grand slam helped the Palehose to a win. Unfortunately, the crew's pick to click was Ron Kittle.

Marlins 1, Phillies 0. If an Anibal Sanchez pitches 6 2/3 shut out innings and beats the defending National League champions at Sun Life Stadium does anybody give a shit? Seriously, more people were at the Burger King by my apartment Saturday.

Angels 9, Mariners 7. I have to admit, when I saw HOMERUNS: Seattle - E. Alfonzo, I thought Edgar Alfonzo had come out of retirement and gone deep off the fake rocks or a life size bobblehead doll of Darin Erstad. It was actually Eliezer Alfonzo, who went 3-for-5 with 4 RBIs, but it didn't matter because Alfonzo's team smells like rotten earthworms. Anaheim won it on Howie Kendrick's walk-off. Thankfully, he didn't rupture any limbs stepping on home plate.

Braves 5, Pirates 3. Yunel Escobar: 3-for-5!



Cardinals 9, Cubs 1. David Freese hit a home run against the Cubs. Oh, also, Albert Pujols hit three. He's really good at baseball. Freese, I mean.

Baseball Boogie

Pay particular attention to: Orel Hershisher

Kendry Morales' Walk-Off Gone Wrong

The walk-off, game winning hit is one of the most exciting plays in baseball. The walk-off homerun? Even more exciting. The walk-off grand slam? Pure ankle shattering jubilance. The poor start to the 2010 Angels' season took a crippling turn for the worse on Saturday. The Angels' hard slugging (.290/.346/.487) first baseman, Kendry Morales, won the game against the Mariners with a walk-off slam. Good times, right? Nope. After some high fives, a slip and fall, an air cast and a cart ride, Mike Scioscia had this to say

“It’ll change the way we celebrate,” Angels manager Mike Scioscia said before the extent of Morales’ injury was known. “It sure was exciting, but you always wonder if it’s an accident waiting to happen. This is definitely unfortunate. We’ve just got to wait and see what we’re dealing with. We’ll know more information as the night moves on.”

Well, what they're dealing with is ankle surgery that should keep Morales shelved for 10-12 weeks. Bad news bears. To show you guys that we aren't just going to be dick jokes and absurd baseball humor (note: there will be a lot of dick jokes and absurd baseball humor), I'm going to throw out some actual analysis. The Angels are screwed. That's why I gets paid the big bucks. The Angels almost have to turn to the trade market to replace Morales. Robb Quinlan isn't a replacement level player no matter how many B's he spells his name with. The Brandon Wood project at third isn't working out, although I have my fingers crossed that we'll get to see a platinum sombrero soon. So the Angels are back to having no real power to speak of. Hey, how's Texas going, Vlad?

I'm sure the Angels will now kick the tires on Paul Konerko and Lance Berkman or discuss poor decisions like Jermaine Dye. Here's my off base suggestion, teach Elijah Dukes first base and some common sense. He's still young and talented and mentally unstable. And cheap! Come on, Reagins, roll the dice.

And now for your viewing pleasure, the video summary of the walk-off slam and injury...