Ross Ohlendorf: Meat Inspector

Ross Ohlendorf was a fourth round draft pick by the Diamondacks and has been a component in trades involving Randy Johnson and Xavier Nady. One slightly more impressive than the other. Ohlendorf has pitched 237 innings for the Pirates with a 98 ERA+ making him just about a league average pitcher. Or a solid number two for the Pirates. But Ohlendorf has already been looking for a way to escape from the glorious Pirates' empire of mediocrity. He recently interned for the Department of Agriculture...

The notion of Ohlendorf's internship originated last summer, when U.S. Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack threw out the first pitch for his beloved Pirates. Ohlendorf volunteered to catch for Vilsack. Conversation ensued -- Vilsack was interested in the Pirates, and Ohlendorf was interested in agriculture. His family owns a cattle ranch in Austin.

The Nationals get Obama. The Dodgers, Angels, Yankees and Mets get celebrities. The Pirates get the Agriculture Secretary. Just sayin. Apparently, Ohlendorf is no joke and graduated from Princeton with a 3.75 GPA. Now if he could just get his ERA there. So what was Cowboy Ross doing for the USDA anyway?

Ohlendorf's work included the study of livestock movement and how disease is transferred when cattle migrates.

He researched the liability of a meat supply -- whether it's the cattle owner, the processor, the hauler or the grocer who bears responsibility.

That should make Ohlendorf the most overqualified butcher at the Giant Eagle in three years. We're just kidding, Ross. In fact, we'd love to get our hands on your thesis "Investing in Prospects: A Look at the Financial Successes of Major League Baseball Rule IV Drafts from 1989 to 1993." We're big nerds too.