K-Rod Pounds Strike Zone, Father-In-Law

I wish Francisco Rodriguez would have pitched last night. It would have made this post title more accurate but I love it nonetheless. In fact, Frankie wasn't exactly ecstatic that he, allegedly the Mets' best reliever, wasn't called upon for the highest leverage situation of the game with the bases loaded in the 8th. When approached by the media, the emotionally stable K-Rod issued some NSFW comments...

"Did I f-----g pitch tonight?" Rodriguez snarled when asked if he was upset that manager Jerry Manuel did not ask him to protect a one-run lead. "Why do I have to talk to you f-----g guys?"

K-Rod was taken into custody after brawling with his father-in-law in a battle that started in the family lounge and ended in the tunnel outside of the Mets' clubhouse. The father-in-law was busted up with some facial abrasions and a head injury and Rodriguez was charged with third degree assault.

Rodriguez will be transferred from Citi Field jail to arraignment today. It's unknown when he'll be available to blow his next save opportunity. Since there is no explanation for the cause of the raucous, I feel there needs to be some wild and careless speculation.

1. A pitching conversation went sour because the Spanish translation of xFIP is "I wish my daughter had married that lovely Alex Rodriguez fellow."

2. K-Rod will not be upstaged in stupidity by Brandon Phillips.

3. K-Rod, drunk on rum and asopao de gandules , mistook his father-in-law for bullpen coach Randy Niemann and blasted away at his face.

4. The father-in-law was unhappy with the terms of the arranged marriage and was demanding 3 more donkeys (my perception of foreign culture is both misguided and inaccurate).

5. It was just a big misunderstanding. They were just practicing for their appearance of Maury next week.

[NY Daily News]