Pops Derwood, a Cubs fan, lives in Virginia and Derwood, a Yankees fan, lives under a wheelbarrow in Atlanta, so occasionally they have to communicate through text messaging. Here's their latest back-and-forth.
Pops Derwood, August 1, 6:15 p.m. - Standing in line at a Wal Mart, two old guys in front of me, one with Yankees hat, other with Redsox hat. Yankees hat farts, loudly, and walks away. Redsox hat farts, too. Walks away. I can't make this stuff up. I'm backing up as we speak.
Derwood, 6:17 p.m. - Do me a favor and see if it was Steve Balboni and Mo Vaughn.
PD, 6:19 p.m. - No. Oscar Gamble and Bernie Carbo.
D, 6:21 p.m. - Well, let me know if you see two guys, one in an Astros hat, one in an Indians hat, burping.
PD, 6:24 p.m. - Hold on, the Yankee hat was Kerry Wood.
D, 6:26 p.m. - That's going to lead to a 15-day DL stint: bruised buttocks. Yankees fans, we call that Pulling a Pavano.
PD, 6:30 p.m. - The cashier already sent him down to K Mart for rehab shopping in pool supplies.
D, 6:33 p.m. - I just hope for Wood's sake Dusty Baker isn't a store manager at that K Mart. He'd make Wood run all 15 registers at once.
PD, 6:38 p.m. - I'm becoming a Seattle Mariners fan.
D, 6:41 p.m. - You better look out, then: I hear Rene Lachemann is at a Home Depot in Virginia, sneezing.
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