Miggy Cabrera Has A Drinking Problem, Man

Miguel Cabrera drank his way into the news again after getting arrested Wednesday night on suspicion of driving under the influence. The news is especially disconcerting considering Cabrera admitted to having a drinking problem just last season and had been undergoing counseling. It didn't seem to take though as Cabrera was taken into custody in spectacular fashion...

According to police report, a deputy spotted a car Cabrera was driving, smoking on the side of Okeechobee Road in Ft. Pierce, about 100 miles southeast of spring training in Lakeland. Cabrera had an odor of alcohol coming from his breath and his eyes were bloodshot and watery and his speech heavily slurred, according to the report.

In an arrest affidavit, deputies said Cabrera repeated “Do you know who I am, you don’t know anything about my problems.” Cabrera then picked up a bottle of James Buchanan’s Scotch whiskey and started drinking, according to the report.

That was followed by some resisting arrest and several police kicks to the thigh. Jeez man, pulling the "do you know who I am?" line and swigging scotch out of a bottle seems like it's straight out of a Will Farrell movie. And what exactly are his problems (aside from booze)? Is it still too cold to go swimming in that pool of cash? That's why you should always build your cash pool indoors.

Athletes getting DUIs is a bit of a pet peeve of mine. I understand the desire to go out and have some (blindingly too many) drinks. But damn, these guys are making a good living and can afford to call an effing cab. I'm even willing to go get hammered with you and be your personal cab caller. You just have to pay for my drinks (I assume it's bottle service anyway) and let me live in your guest house.

I'm not making light of Cabrera's drinking problem because it does sound serious. At just 27-years-old, Cabrera already has 247 home runs, a .313/.388/.552 line and 37.3 WAR. He's on the path to derail a Hall of Fame career. Admittedly, I'm a big fan of the hooch. But it only hurts my performance if I write a dick joke that doesn't make any sense the next morning. I hope Cabrera gets the help he needs for his own sake, the Tigers sake and potentially the sake of my fantasy baseball team.

His mug shot is a better picture than every one I've ever had on a drivers license.