MLB Frowns Upon Deer Antler Spray

If you aren't cheating, you aren't trying. And it seems like players will try just about anything. MLB recently had to step in and tell players to stop ingesting deer antler spray. Apparently, the ground up deer antler velvet contains an Insulin-like Growth Factor (IGF-1) which is essentially human growth hormone. Or triggers the release of HGH. What am I, a scientist? I've been using Jagermeister as a performance enhancer this whole time. But so far it's only increased my ability to hit on unattractive women and slur my words.

The problem for MLB is that IGF-1 is banned but, like HGH, undetectable in urine tests. So why is MLB issuing this warning now? Tom Verducci has all of the answers, of course...

Major League Baseball issued its warning about a specific brand of deer antler spray not because it contains IGF-1, but because it added the product to its list of "potentially contaminated nutritional supplements."

MLB, acting on reports from the drug-testing industry, warned the players that the deer spray can produce positive tests for methyltestosterone, a banned steroid under both the major league and minor league drug policies. The deer antler spray does not list methyltestosterone as one of its ingredients. The approved clinical use of methyltestosterone is to treat men with a testosterone deficiency and women with breast cancer or menopause-related symptoms.

You have to really stop and think about this warning to appreciate the layers to this cat-and-mouse game of PEDs. Baseball is warning its players not to spray under their tongues a product made out of the antlers of young deer -- not because it boasts a banned ingredient right there on its label, but because it could be "contaminated" with another banned substance that actually might show up on a drug test.

Way to try to save face, MLB. That was a lot of blockquoting. I'm exhausted. It's a good thing I ordered the IGF-1 starter kit from Nutronics Labs. I've been saying that we'll all be on HGH soon enough so why not get ahead of the curve with some ground up antler? It's not like they're harvesting unicorns, people. This stuff is natural. I think. Please refer back to "I'm not a scientist."

Stay tuned for the result of me spraying antler velvet under my tongue once the shipment arrives. I'm excited and nervous. I hope I don't grow hooves.