Jeffrey Loria Is An Angry, Angry Man

After throwing cash around in the offseason like a redneck during a good round of scratch-offs, it cost Miami Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria around $100 million to field the 2012 squad. Or four years of Vernon Wells if you're into sad math comparisons. For all of that money, Loria was rewarded with a 66-86 record so far for last place in the NL East. No amount of showers can get rid of that dirty feeling caused by being behind the Mets in the standings. The brand new stadium plus losing record is only good for the 18th best average attendance but that is up 10 spots from 2011. He might have expected a bigger attendance spike for the first season in the new digs.

So, Loria was probably a little grumpy in the first place. Then his current manager and a former manager spoke out against Loria and people were there to write it down. Apparently, Loria's personal newspaper reader mentioned the quotes and, ooooh, the old man is pissed.

Let's start with current Braves manager, Fredi Gonzalez. Gonzalez managed the Marlins from 2007-2010 and is the winningest manager in franchise history. Gonzalez was unceremoniously dumped on June 23, 2010. But how does he feel now?

“There’s not a manager dead or alive that Jeffrey thinks is good enough. Not Connie Mack, not anyone.”

Scribble down +1 for Connie Mack reference. Alright, Jeffrey. Care to respond?

Loria said that if Gonzalez made those comments, “I’m a little surprised because it’s classless — and you can quote me — especially because he was with us for five years and he was a colossal failure. Not nice. Not nice.”

Yeah, I'm going to have to side with Gonzalez on this one. I have a hard time declaring a 276-279 record over four-ish years a "colossal failure" especially considering the shallow pockets Loria allowed the team to operate under. Colossal failure. What kind of expectations does that guy have? It must literally rain cash on his estate.

Of course, current manager/escaped crazy person Ozzie Guillen was not be outdone. Not while he's still on the Marlins payroll. Guillen stuck with Gonzalez's theme but was much more eloquent in his delivery...

"If Jeffrey doesn't think I'm doing the job I should do ... it's not the first time he's fired a manager," Guillen said. "Look yourself in the mirror and ask why so many (expletive) managers come through here."

Loria did not issue a retort to Ozzie but it was reported by the Palm Beach Post that he did not appreciate being "called out." Loria will most likely react by doing what he does best and canning Ozzie after the season.

And now a quick tip if you interview for the Marlins manager opening.
When asked, "Where do you see yourself in five years?"
Do not answer, "Hopefully under new ownership."
Rumor has it Jack McKeon answered "dead." A rumor I made up. Just now.