Trolling Jose Canseco

I have a confession to make. About a year ago, I finally stopped following Jose Canseco on Twitter. I couldn't do it anymore. Just too much dumb in one place for my taste. But I felt compelled - for some odd reason - to scan through his tweets today and see what our buddy the Hugger has been up to.

Warning: Lots of facepalms ahead.

We will finally get Atlantis back when antartica thaws
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) January 30, 2014

"Antarctica."

The north Pole is heading to Hudson bay
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) January 30, 2014

I hear it is nice there this time of year.

The polar Vortex is easily explained
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) January 30, 2014

Oh yeah? Do tell.

The Poles are shifting morons
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) January 30, 2014

Ugh.

So, it would seem that Mr. Canseco is now a meteorologist of sorts. That would be great. It would be great if he weren't a mouth-breathing neanderthal of course. Here's a more reasonable and educated person talking about the Polar Vortex. It is great that Canseco likes to share his opinions. It is also great that Twitter allows people like me to embed his tweets into blog posts so I can point and laugh at him and his hairy palms.

A few days before Jose heaped giant helpings of "what the fuck are you talking about" onto our plates, he got a little bit nostalgic about the Oakland A's and the 25th anniversary celebration of the 1989 World Series winning team that they are doing this season. I've never felt bad for A's fans. Until now.

A part of me will always be in the coliseum
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) January 23, 2014

That is incredibly unsanitary, but for a stadium where things like this happen, a piece of Jose Canseco lying around is probably the least of their worries.

I am the prodigal son of @TonyLaRussa
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) January 23, 2014

Woof. Sorry, Tony.

I wore many hats but my blood is green and gold
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) January 23, 2014

I'm no Doctor, but you should probably see a medical professional about that, Jose.

And of course, Canseco tries to stay both hip and viable in today's world by offering some kind words to Justin Bieber.

hug for u @justinbieber
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) January 23, 2014

Yes. Plenty of hugs for the Biebs. And plenty of care packages containing soap-on-a-rope.

There was once a time when I actually had to think about unfollowing Jose Canseco on Twitter. There was once a time when it was not an easy decision. He made me laugh, he made me cry, he made me not want to live on this planet anymore. After all this time, and after looking through his tweets over the last couple of weeks, I'm not sure why it was such a hard decision to simply click "unfollow." Maybe it is issues stemming from my childhood? Oh well. I can cure that with a chilled bottle of Grey Goose and a hug from Jose Canseco. I can still get a hug, right, Jose?