As a young man, MTD enjoyed playing baseball in local recreational leagues despite the fact that he would often come to the plate holding the bat by the barrel. His teammates started calling him "Barrel Boy" and the name stuck. On the eve of what was to be MTD's wedding day, he and his finance got into a heated argument and called off the engagement when she refused to change her name to Beatrice Barrel Boy. MTD attended college, but was expelled after two months for fighting with a professor over Jack Morris' Hall of Fame credentials. Humiliated, MTD turned to the internet to relieve his troubles. Unfortunately, that wasn't allowed in the Ledford County Public Library, so MTD returned to the library with a fake mustache and sombrero and began putting together a baseball blog called betweenthelimes.com (MTD admitted in his autobiography I Don't Need Pants to be Happy he had forgotten where the N key was on his keyboard, but never bothered to go back and change the blog title). His readers couldn't figure out what small, green fruit had to do with baseball, so they stopped visiting. MTD turned to alcohol, and the two live happily ever after in a crawl space in New Orleans.
Derwood Morris had his earliest encounter with the opposite sex on a New Jersey grade school playground in 1986. When it came time for the classic "show me yours and I'll show you mine," the young girl, Heather, lifted up her My Little Pony dress, while Derwood produced his Don Mattingly rookie card. Derwood's baseball career was full of ups and downs. He led the 1989 Crees in fouled bunt attempts (21) and outfield fall downs (16), but as a 12-year old he had his greatest moment: leading his travel team to the state tournament in Morristown, NJ, although the tournament was being held in Hopatcong. While at college, Derwood discovered a passion for water fountains, but nothing ever came of it except one stolen water fountain (March, 2001). He recently starred in an off-Broadway play entitled The Ticket-Taker of the Opera, and he now lives in Atlanta with a picture of his cat, Morris, and his cat, Morris.
